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Sheep jokes

Two shepherds are talking and the first one asks the other:
– How many sheep do you have?
– I don’t know, every time I start counting I fall asleep.
 
Where do sheep get their wool cut?
At the baa-baa shop.
 
Old grandma was living alone in a village and kept 2000 sheep by herself. A journalist came to make a report about it and asked the grandmother:
– “Tell us how do you manage to keep 2000 sheep all by yourself?”
Grandmother:
– “Well, I’ve been doing this my whole life, I’m used to it.”
Journalist:
– “And how much does a sheep weigh?”
Grandmother:
– “Black or white?”
Journalist:
– “Let’s say white.”
Grandmother:
– “30kg.”
Journalist:
– “And black?”
Grandmother:
– “The same.”
Journalist:
– “Okay, how much milk does one sheep give?”
Grandmother:
– “Black or white?”
Journalist:
– “Let’s say white.”
– “2 liters.”
– “And black?”
– “The same.”
– “Okay, how much wool do you get from one sheep?”
– “Black or white?”
– “Let’s say black.”
– “3 kg.”
– “And white?”
– “The same.”
The journalist became angry, seeing grandma is playing with her.
Journalist:
– “Well, what’s the difference between black and white sheep?”
Grandmother:
– “Well, the white ones are mine.”
Journalist:
– “And the black ones?”
Grandmother:
– “Also mine.”
 
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A chocolate baa.
 
What do you call a dancing sheep?
A baa-lerina.
 
What do you call a strong sheep?
Lamb-o!
 
What do you call a sheep musician?
Raaam-stein.
 
Two guys were watching sheep in the meadow and the first one says that there are exactly 1432 sheep there. The second guy doesn’t believe him and goes to the shepherd and asks him: How many sheep you have? The shepherd responds that he has 1432 sheep. After an hour on another meadow, the first guy guesses the exact number of sheep again. Confused, the second guy asks him: How do you count those sheep so quickly? The first guy responds: It’s pretty simple, you count all the legs and divide by four!
 
What do you get if you mix a sheep with a kangaroo?
A woolly jumper.
 
What’s a sheep’s favorite newspaper?
The Wool Street Journal.
 
A peasant with one sheep by his side was hitch-hiking on the country road. After a while, a BMW stops. The BMW driver says he can take the peasant, but not the sheep. The peasant agrees, saying not to worry because the sheep will run after them.
They set off. The driver drives slowly at first, 40km per hour – the sheep runs behind them. The driver then adds a little more gas, 70km per hour – the sheep follows. He steps 100km per hour – the sheep follows, and then even faster, 140km per hour – the sheep still runs behind them.
The driver looks in the rearview mirror and says:
“Dude, this sheep stuck out her tongue”!
The peasant asks:
“On which side”?
Driver:
“On the left”!
Peasant:
“Ahaaaa, now it will overtake us”!
 
What cars do sheep like to drive?
Lamborghinis.
 
I went to a psychiatrist.
He drew some sheep to me and told me to watch them until he came back.
I drew a fence and went home.
Tell me, who’s crazy?
Why won’t the dog listen to the farmer’s sheep jokes?
– Because he’s herd them all.
 
What do you call a sheep in a space?
– Space sheep.
 
The engineer and mathematician must fence the sheep with the smallest fence possible. The engineer gathers the sheep, makes a circular fence around them, and says: THIS IS THE BEST SOLUTION. The mathematician draws a circle around himself and says: LET’S DEFINE THE AREA OUTSIDE THIS CIRCLE AS INSIDE.
 
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
– A baaaaaaaanana.
 
What’s a sheep’s favorite song?
– Baby Don’t Herd Me.